BIRTH MATTERS – Who you give birth with matters
You have taken childbirth classes. You are done with breastfeeding and infant care classes.The next thing you have to do is… well, just wait for the birth. You are prepared with your birth Plan and have shared it with your provider and birth team. You spend the last few weeks of pregnancy, looking forward to the birth and meeting your baby for the very first time.
Who are you planning on having at your birth? Have you put serious consideration into this? There is a new term called crowdbirthing, which is meant to describe the changes we have seen in the last few years as far as who and how many people are invited to the birth. The average women has about 8 people in the room while she is laboring and giving birth. Is this you?
Ask yourself: Is this really what I want? Did I personally invite each person or did a few invite themselves?
Ask yourself: Are you really going to feel comfortable having these people watch you go through labor?
Ask yourself: Do they have a good reason to be there?
Labor is hard work. Labor involves noise, lots of noise. Labor involves exposing body parts not normally shown to others. Labor involves crying and dry heaves and vomiting and pain and perhaps foul language. While working along with your contractions you might find yourself getting into weird positions such as being on all fours – on the floor, on the bed. Labor involves deep moaning and groaning and more crying and swearing. You get hot and sweaty and want to remove clothes, jump in and out of the shower, get in a warm tub of water. When it comes time for the pushing phase, some of us assume a position such as squatting and look and sound as if we were pooping.
Ask yourself: Am I comfortable with my sister, mother, best friend, 4 year old, seeing me go through this?
Ask yourself: What if they are not helpful and treat my birth as if they are a spectator at a sporting event?
Ask yourself: Will you be able to ask someone to leave the room if you become uncomfortable having them there during the birth?
Once your baby is born, you will need to tuck your baby in close to you. This skin to skin keeps your baby warm, it regulates their temperature and heart rate. Being this close to your baby allows your baby to find his/her way to your breast to feed. Newborns who are any further than arms reach in the first few days of breastfeeding are newborns that you might be missing their feeding cues.
Ask yourself: Are you comfortable baring your breasts with the people in your room?
Ask yourself: Can you say no to family and friends who want to hold and pass around your baby?
Ask yourself: Will the noise and the distraction in the room keep you from concentrating on breastfeeding?
Most mothers who I have worked with say they just did not realize the impact having others around them during labor, birth and early breastfeeding would have. No one gave them the words and case scenario to help them think it through. When the time came, they clearly experienced the positive or negative impact it had on their ability to work along with their labor and to breastfeed comfortably the first few days.
It is the negative impact that I want you to consider. Will you be able to concentrate, focus, be yourself with the invited guests around, watching your every move? Will you be able to speak up and talk to them about something you are not happy about? Or will you sit quietly, in annoyance that builds to anger?
Giving birth and early breastfeeding is a private and intimate experience. Some new parents want to share this special time with close friends and loved ones. Some new parents thought they did, but changed there mind. Perhaps you or your significant other will have no problem voicing the change in feelings to your friends and loved ones. Some will sit in silence.
Let my mantra become your mantra: Your body, your baby, your birth. You are not being selfish by voicing your wishes. You are doing a good job of taking care of yourself.